Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Why Uchiha Clan is Shit

Written by: Micha

I imagine writing about this topic would be the fanbase community equivalent of digging my own grave, and it isn’t in my best interest to get virtually egged by the armada of Uchiha fanboys. No wait, it is, actually. And this armada of fanboys have been dominating our fandom since Kishimoto lost his marbles somewhere around mid-Shippuden and let his Uchiha-loving dick take over the writing. Thus, loathing this ludicrous and deranged clan seemed the most reasonable thing to do.

Is that...is that Sakura in there I see?

I must confess that one of the darkest things about my past is that I used to be an Uchiha lover. The silky hair, the dark eyes and lack of vaginas (discounting Sasuke) used to give me an orgasm. But in light of grave pet peeves provoked by the writer recently, I am permanently turned off.  

I hate the Uchiha Clan. There. I said it, fanboys. And if tomorrow I’m found to be dead, then you know who the culprit is. 

The sharingan pisses me off.

You should know that my hatred towards almost anything nerdy is based on how I see the developments as a writer. I judge the tiniest detail as a writer, not as reader, which has proven to be rather a curse, apparently. Here’s a little glimpse in to my soul: I hate Hinata because she’s a one-dimensional character, indicating a flaw in writing. I hate Fairy Tail because of the ludicrous amount of fanservice which is a pathetic attempt at covering just how under-developed a writer is, indicating a flaw in writing. And I hate the sharingan because it has been powered so much in attempt to meet the standards of classic shonen that it has completely crossed the borderline, indicating a flaw in writing.

Izuna could have been saved if Madara knew sharingans were available on ebay.
 Here’s a list of people who can beat the sharingan.

1.My mom.
2. .

Yeah, that’s about it.

The thought of a bloodline limit that enables you to do eye techniques were enough to give me and my fellow shonen-worshippers wet dreams, but then it went overboard. What cannot a sharingan do? It clearly wasn’t enough that the sharingan had the ability of x-ray vision, copy ninjutsu, genjutsu and taijutsu, hypnotize summons and big ass tailed beasts, perform izanagi, izanami, amaterasu, tsukiyomi, unlock MS and EMS, send people and preferably your junk in to a whole another dimension and keep them there as you please, but apparently, sharingans also have this mysterious power up of transforming in to a rinnegan, for heaven’s sake.

Quite honestly, I don’t even see the point of it transforming in to rinnegan because obviously, the sharingan has managed to outshine the rinnegan since Madara and Obito does not seem to give a single fuck about the rinnegan they now possess.

At what point are we allowed to say that this shit is overpowered way beyond the norm? I wouldn’t be surprised if the next power up would be of the sharingan creating a massive black hole sucking in the world and all other Uchiha fags.

Achievement unlocked: Mangekyo rinnegan. 

Sharingan has evolved to the point that it is too perfect and there isn’t a single person who can beat it (except my mom). Now, where is the fun in that? People who actually approves of this bureaucracy are the same people who creates RPing OC with sparkling skin, eternal mangekyo sharingan, byakugan, rinnegan, senju DNA, expertise in medicine, teleportation jutsu, and who also happens to be the long lost sibling of Rikudo Sennin.

They are assholes and pathetic.

Well, this is no surprise. All Uchiha are assholes one way or another, even at circumstances where there was no need to be an asshole. I’m going to quote my soulmate in here.

Madara: constant Asshole.
Sasuke’s dad: Asshole.
Itachi: was an asshole even when he wasn’t.
Obito: eventually an asshole.
Sasuke: Asshole.
All random Uchiha: Assholes.”

I think the biggest controversy arises when it comes to Itachi, because the fans still can’t get off his dick for some reason. No, he wasn’t an appraisable hero. He was an unreasonable son of a gun who manipulated his otherwise sane little 6 year old brother to convert to a hatred-inducing, vengeance-seeking, hair-abusing psychopath, just so his own sins and guilt would disappear.

Life would have been so much easier if Tobirama just gave them a hug. 

You must be thinking, “But Micha, everybody loves assholes!” Yes, we do, faggot. I would know; I love myself. But Uchiha are assholes because their asshole-ism was stemmed from the fact that they are too weak when it comes to handling their emotions; ergo, it’s pathetic. The best example for this would be the previously mentioned little brother and Obito Uchiha, but their pathetic-ness is extended to such a degree in the manga that they need their own headline.

Sasuke and Obito Uchiha are faggots.

Out of all the dipshits in this clan, why do these two get the spotlight in our article? Because they are just that bad. I will refrain myself from commenting on Sasuke’s poor choice of hair products for the umpteenth time because his skill of being a pseudo prodigy tops it. Despite coming from an overpowered clan with a rich bloodline limit, Sasuke still somehow manages to suck. The only thing he truly worked for is Fireball Jutsu, shuriken throwing and chidori. The rest are easily handed to him either by his sugar daddies (them being Orochimaru and Itachi), or given for no apparent reason just for the convenience of the plot.

"I'm just too pretty to battle." 

Meanwhile everyone else have to work their butt off for power ups, this dude receives new developments like Halloween candy, because apparently, he’s Kishimoto’s princess. However, despite receiving a huge amount of unfair advantages, he has done nothing but disappoint me time and time again.   

He only managed to defeat Orochimaru because the man was already on his deathbed. He couldn’t defeat Deidara as we saw that Deidara committed suicide. He only managed to defeat his brother because he, too, was weak, on top of his death being written in stone by Sasuke’s hands. Not to mention Orochimaru would have taken over Sasuke’s body if Itachi hadn’t taken care of it during their battle. His illogical plan of destroying Konoha made the whole fandom slam their heads on the keyboard. Also, his first mission of Akatsuki proved to be a complete failure since he couldn’t capture Killer Bee.

And when he came to war after undergoing an eye surgery that would gain him even more unfair benefits (EMS), you know what he did on the first battle? Stood there like a princess while Itachi defeated Kabuto.

Seriously, how does he have fans at all?

Now coming on to our next person in line: Obito Uchiha. There are two fates for this dude:

1.Either he gets Talk No Jutsu-ed, which looks highly plausible since Naruto seems to be on a roll right now.
2.Or he dies an idiot.

Good. Stay there.

Out of the many Uchihas on a permanent emotional rollercoaster, Obito managed to out-do it even by Uchiha standards. His emotional weakness got the best of him when his love interest died, consequently letting himself be psychologically molested by Madara Uchiha’s ideals to the point that he declared a war. In a way, his existence does serve some purpose for the storyline as it would be kind of cool to create a villain who was similar to the protagonist.

But because of a girl?

Here’s my beef with romance: I hate it. Especially in shonen. I’m all up for philosophy, morals, mythical adaptations, and brotherly love which I will try to turn in to a yaoi ship eventually, but romance? No, fuck that. If I wanted romance in manga, I’d be reading shojo.

And certainly, Obito’s inability to get his shit together after Rin died definitely lost my respect for him as a man.
So all things considered the Uchiha clan is shit. It doesn’t take an uncultivated mind to figure out that this clan was designed to be shit and probably will continue to remain shit. They have become so overpowered to the point that I can no longer approve of it. And if you disagree with me on this, you're wrong and you are a faggot.

Micha: [Co-founder]
Micha likes to broadcast her terrible drawing skills to the world on her DeviantArt account and talks about her life long ambition of making Yakushi Kabuto a woman, on her Skype; michasucks. Yes, with the dot. She will also respond to e-mails on her michamichamicha@live.com because Amber forces her to.

15 comments:

  1. Very interesting article, as usual, but coming from you, I expect no less :D.

    Okay, so I agree with a lot of things you said, but disagree with some (which certainly makes me a faggot, but I'm fine with that).
    I find the idea of the Uchiha clan very interesting, the "rejected" minority that wants to riot to gain some rights and recognition (it happened IRL, so why not in a manga).
    Itachi being my favourite male character in the manga, I'm biased when I talk about him but to me, he's a good martyr character : the kid who knew everything, but couldn't really change it (he didn't have a "Naruto" to support him like Sasuke does, even though I still think he and Shisui could have done something to change the fate of their clan, but heh...). Itachi admitted (during his fight against Kabuto) that his methods were wrong, and maybe if he made other choices at ~that time~, things would have been different. He's perfect as a "don't follow my example" character (for both Sasuke and Naruto... and maybe Kabuto too).

    Now for Sasuke, you found the perfect word he is a princess, like Aurora, who received gifts from his fairy godmothers. He received many power-ups without even working for them, unlike Naruto (who worked his ass off for every and each of his justu, which is why he doesn't have a lot), that is, until Kyuubi started to help him (but this makes sense, it took 17 years for Kurama to get used to Naruto, so you could say it's a long-time work).
    Personally, I still found Sasuke's character coherent until he joined the war and became all "friendly" again/decided to become hokage (biggest facepalm since I started reading mangas). Kishimoto said there was going to be a battle between Sasuke and Naruto, so I thought it would be to bring him back to Konoha, but I guess it's going to be over the Hokage title (which is a lame reason to fight).
    Also, Sasuke's development can be explained by the fact that Kishimoto said Sasuke was the character he felt the closest to, so I don't think Kishi is favouring him because he LOVES Sasuke, but because Kishi wants himself (through Sasuke) to be part of his own manga.
    But yeah, I find it funny that in fact, the dude has never killed anybody : Orochimaru (still alive), Itachi (died from illness), Deidara (suicide), Danzo (suicide)...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Concerning the Sharingan, I find the idea to make it "upgrade" with time a good idea, but I never understood why it would evolve into Rinnegan, the two eyes are totally different in terms of powers and aspect (at least the different Sharingans look alike, but Rinnegan looks like something totally different... like chameleon eyes... yuck). Plus, you can retract the Sharingan but not the Rinnegan (imagine Sasuke with permanent Rinnegan, yuck²..!).
    Now, you say that you don't really like the different power-ups of Sharingan, but imagine the current Sasuke, at war, without them : it would leave him with just his raiton/katon techniques, which would be pretty lame compared to Naruto.
    But since Kishi gave to possibility for the Sharingan to evolve, why not for the Byakugan too (at least Neji would have been even more awesome, before dying... but then, it would force Kishimoto to give some more powers to Hinata which is something he doesn't judge necessary xD) ?

    And finally, Obito... to me, this is the worst villain EVER (I swear even Disney villains were better written than his character). Starting a war over a girl ? Pathetic. As much as I love the relashionship between Naruto and Sakura, if Sakura died and Naruto wanted to start a war because of that, I would call BS just the same (I'm not against romance in shounen, after all, all boy teens experience love at some point, but such a reason shouldn't be something big like a WAR).
    And now, he's going to turn good because of Naruto's TnJ... geez, that's a shitty development. Seriously, I can't wait for him to die. Seriously (but I'm sure he won't and then, he, Hashirama or Naruto will TnJ Madara, and they'll all live happy ever after...).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thankyou very much for reading.

      And what do you mean rejected minority? Was that a reference to Spartacus and his fellow gladiator riot?

      I can see why people would sympathize with Itachi as he certainly did not lead an easy life. He had it tougher than most people did, but I seriously don't see the need of him dragging his naive little brother in to the complicated mess. Itachi was the one who broke Sasuke even if people like to believe it or not, and Itachi did it to put himself off his misery. He corrupted a perfectly mentally balanced kid just because of his own ill-fate, and I don't think I can ever see past that.

      Saying "Because I will always love you" does not magically heal Sasuke and neither does it fix Sasuke or every other bonds Sasuke had severed in the midst of his insanity.

      Upgrading sharingan is a good idea, unless the upgrades included impossible powerups to the point that it becomes Mary Sue. And I think the transformation from sharingan to rinnegan happens because sharingan is a mutation of rinnegan. But then again, Kishimoto never actually gave a shit about byakugan to begin with, since he was too busy riding the Uchiha dick.

      I think Sasuke with rinnegan will happen, as much as I don't approve of it. I hope that it wouldn't be the case, though.

      I actually approve of Talk No Jutsu to some extent. Because what makes Naruto different from other manga is that it does not always rely on fist fights to settle things. Morals are a big part of Naruto, and convincing people to believe you requires some amount of talking. But when Kishimoto pulls that shit all time is when it drives me nuts.

      Talk No Jutsu = Convenient Plot no Jutsu.

      Again, thanks a lot.

      Delete
  3. Ooh, ooh, you forgot someting!
    Ahem, the Sasuke and the Uchiha ripped of Kurapika Kurata and the Kurata clan! Hunter x Hunter came out 2 years before Naruto, and did the Red-eyed clan which was wiped out leaving a lone survivor which seeks revenege. (There's alot of HxH did it first which I won't go into)
    Sasuke used to be a constrast to Naruto. Naruto was a loser from an unknown family, and never did well. Sasuke was a an A student fron the famous Uchiha clan, and was born with a blood heritage power.
    Now Naruto is the son of the Hokage, part of the "Uzumaki clan" and an idiot whining for that faggot Sasuke. And now Sasuke is the main character, and is completely unlikable. In fact, that's putting is lightly. I can't imagine what character in Naruto could possibly be more annoyi- oh hi, Karin.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I actually haven't watched HunterXHunter. Is it any good?

      Agreed on Karin. I'm not a big fan.

      Delete
    2. It's good. The Chimera Ant arc is subjective on quality, but I loved it.

      Delete
  4. Obito: What is it?
    Obito:If I tear open your chest, will I see it inside?
    Obito:If it shatter your hax Uchiha eyes, will I see it?
    Obito:You damn shinobi speak so easily of it, almost as if
    http://www.mangareader.net/naruto/653/16
    Obito:I see......this yes......this thing in my hand


    Is the heart?



    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's just when Obito looks at his hand in a white background,
      http://www.mangareader.net/naruto/653/16
      I'm just reminded of that silly scene in Bleach when Ulquiorra finds out what a "heart" is.

      Delete
    2. Ah. I don't really watch Bleach. Or read it. It's not my cup of tea. You should take that issue with ClayDragon. The Bleach reviewer on here.
      ~Micha.

      Delete
    3. Taking issues about Bleach with ClayDragon? Oh, I do that all the time.

      Delete
  5. Finally! Someone decides to speak up on the uglyness of the uchiha clan. Pathetic, pathethic, pathetic! The uchiha is absolutely pathetic! U've said it all.sasuke being unquestionably the worst of them. Uchiha sasuke, the dude who was supposed to be d cool rival, turns out to be nothing but an incredibly confused kid. First, 'i must kill itachi!', he eventually kills itachi and is told d truth about him and apparently starts to feel bad about his actions but then he sufficed to say ' i will destroy wat itachi wanted to protect!'. For Gods sake why? How does it relate to anything? Ure supposed to be feeling bad dude. Then it turned out konaha had already been destroyed by Nagato and the idiot blurted this time 'i'll kill the people who made itachi annahilate our clan', and as follow up attacked the 5-kage meeting, in search for danzo(how d idiot survive i'll sumday get to ask kishimoto), then forces danzo to commit sucide b4 retiring from his mad agenda untill naruto forces him to start groping 4 another upgrade. Its just silly however that this guy has one of the largest fandom in the anime world, even after he tops his already outlined knack for being a dick-head as sai would say, by suddenly declaring his new ambition 'to becum d hokage of a village he was to destroy just some months ago'.

    I said it, and am sayin it again, sasuke is the dumbest there is in the uchiha clan. Obito could be second to him but sasuke is the genuine anarticle. Obito has been stupid from d start. There is an extent a person gets dumb too, that u come to accept them 4 who they are:dumb ass! But sasuke is supposed to be cool dammit. He actually thinks he is cool! After all he's gat his freaking uchiha fingers down d pants of almost all d girls in dat anime and dat should be about it. ( dumb teenage inclination)

    I would say itachi is the only uchiha wit a bit of resonability in his guts. I agree with the idea dat he corrupted sasuke, but i would vouch that he do it again should the whole charade present it self again. His action uncharmings as the were served their purposes. Had he not been fueled by his hate for itachi, sasuke most probably would still be impressing iruka with his execeptional 'bushin skills' #jstimagine!. All and all obito is dumb, sasuke is d dumbest and d uchiha clan sucks. Nobody's said anything about grandpa madara so far? Lol. He'd be about third on d dumb-list if not neck-to-neck wit obito. Tsk....what a clan.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've actually searched through most forums on internet, and people does not seem to dislike them. Even if you do express your hatred for the Uchihas, you're most likely gonna get chewed out for it because Uchiha fanbase is so huge for some reason. There are a lot of Sasuke devotees too, it's crazy.

      Sasuke was doomed to be evil, I mean, it would have eventually happened anyway even if Itachi had intervened or not. But Itachi accelerated the process and completely corrupted him. But I understand why people like him. Unlike me, most people can look past flaws. I'm just a pain in the ass in that way.

      Oh my. I completely left out Madara, didn't I? He's a sassy person, but man he got issues just like the rest of em.

      Yep, what a clan, indeed.

      ~Micha.

      Delete
  6. Pain: "Hatred begets hatred, causing an endless cycle of fanbase wars"... Or something like that.

    ReplyDelete